I had a BAD sinus headache this evening and she caught me pressing my temples and sinus points to try and relieve the pressure. I had taken meds but was waiting for it to kick in. She said, 'mommy, are you sick? does it hurt? then immediately said, 'I will fix you!" My sweet little girl scurried around finding things to put on my 'cheekies' :) to make it feel better. A can of pickles from the pantry to be held against and make it nice and cool. then a little container with her bands in was gently smoothed on followed by, 'you just wait mommy, I make you feel all better! I get you some water to put on your cheekies, make nice and cool!" She hurries in the bathroom and I hear her stool being pulled to the sink. She runs cold water on her hands and brings it over to put on my face. Of course I encouraged her by sighing and saying how good each thing feels. So she kept on in a very concerned manner. Telling me to stay quiet and take a little nap. Next came a fingernail brush that she used on my face and hair, followed by combs with as much water on as they could hold, to make my face and hair wet. before I knew it, the meds kicked in and I could honestly say I felt better. She was so proud of herself! told me how big she was and how strong! She has this thing she does to make me aware of how big she really is, she starts at her ankles and rubs up her legs and belly and with a swoop up past her face till her hands are stretched high, showing me she is very very big now!
Then I had to make her feel better as she was suddenly struck with the same malady I had.
Why is she a contradiction?
Only a few minutes before we were doing 'time in' for pulling the cats tail till it screamed. I was in the bathroom but heard it on the steps and hollered at her to stop. I heard her giggle and run downstairs so I knew she heard me.
And earlier in the day she purposely got the cat food bag downstairs and dumped it everywhere! Then also emptied the cat dish everywhere too. When she was done she came up and informed me she made a mess. a big mess with the cat food. She wasn't exaggerating!
Her favorite words right now are 'pooch smooch' from a riddle in a Clifford book. What do you call a dog kiss?
Her favorite story is still 'Jonah and the whale'
I tell this story far to often for my liking.
Her little friend had an earache today and when I told her, she was very concerned that there were lots of lady bugs in her friends ears!
She noticed silo's for the first time the other day as we were driving on a back road. She asked if they were water towers. We have a BIG water tower near where we live, so she knows what that is. I explained what the silos were for and she was fascinated and pointed to all the silos we could see as we drove along. We have A LOT of silos in our area!!!! It does help that there are no crops in the field and it's open flat land so you can see far.
How many times a day can you say 'use nice words' before you are nagging your child????
She got in the rut of yelling at the cat. I don't know when she heard this kind of talk to the cat unless it is how I talk to the cat when she gets up on the table. :(
She is also in the rut of whenever I tell her to do something she comes back with the word you pinned on the front of it. I don't think she understood when she started it that it is not nice and very disrespectful to talk like that, but she does now! (she has the tone of voice down pat too!!! )
Me: G, sit down in the cart.
G: YOU sit down in the cart, Mommy!!
When we are at home, I can handle it a lot better, but in public I cringe. I know I shouldn't worry about the people around me and what they think, but I'm imagining they all look at me with eyes of horror thinking I have a horrible child that is out of control.
Then its time to go to bed and I sing to her, 'The Lord bless you and keep you, The Lord make his face shine upon you, and give you peace, and give you peace and give you peace forever. My sweet, sweet little girl tries to sing it back to me and sings, The Lord bless you Mommy.
And I am blessed. Blessed to have the little bundle of sweetness and naughtiness as my daughter!
Monday, April 7, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
Spring Time Firsts
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| Second time she made it to the top. I was squealing and clapping the first time and never thought of taking a pic. |
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| Second time, I was totally shocked that she actually did it the first time and suddenly there she was, so, yes I missed it the first time. Her face says it all. |
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| I gave her a little stone with the word Loved on it, "so you can remember that Mommy loves you very much." |
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| First time to the park on saturday for this Spring. My sis was babysitting and G loved having them along! |
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| We hung the swings in the backyard now that spring is here. She in very very happy about this, even if it was soo cold today that we could only swing a tiny bit. |
Friday, March 21, 2014
Another Milestone, and Spring!
Some people are going crazy waiting for spring. Personally, it was one of the better winters I've had. Lots of snow, cold and a child to enjoy it with.
A few weeks ago we went to Ohio with my niece and her husband and child for an adoption seminar. They had several speakers and varying topics. The two that stayed with me the most were
1. Generational Iniquities and The Adopted Child
I don't know that it impressed me more for me more or my child. They explained it in a way that made much more sense than I've ever heard it before. Basically, we are inclined to fail in the same battles that our parents and grandparents failed in. Ever hear the saying 'I opened my mouth, and my mom walked out"? Well, we all know that we are inclined to do the very things we were determined not to do that our parents did. A child with a drunkard father, is much more inclined to have a problem with alcohol.
The bible says it will happen. It does. The point they made, that stuck with me, is, the only reason we have that inclination hanging over us is because no one told it to leave! We as Christians have the power of Jesus to command that inclination or iniquity to leave us alone. I was always planning to have special prayers prayed over my child at some point, but didn't know how to do it myself, and was intimidated by the whole prospect. That weekend they prayed over her for me. I didn't know if I would see any change in her, but I wanted to know I had done what I could for her. They also prayed for healing for her sensory issues and anointed her with oil, setting her apart for God. We came home, and I didn't think about much or any change till I gave her a bath. You need to realize bath time was a dread for me. She was so extremely ticklish it was ridiculous! I could barely touch her with a washcloth. She would scream and squirm and protect herself as if I was deliberately trying to torture tickle her. Drying her off, getting her dressed, putting lotion on, it was all the same. Tiring and irritating by the time I was done, I was tired! That night after we got home, I gave her a bath and she sat perfectly still, after a few seconds, she looked up at me in surprise and said, Mommy! me not laugh!! And she isn't overly ticklish anymore. The lotion, I can even put it on her stomach and she doesn't flinch! She still doesn't like it, she hates that it's wet, but she's not wiggling and screaming. I'm thanking God for healing!!
2. The Power of Blessing your children
I must admit when I saw that title it didn't seem that great. It was a very powerful lesson. The power of our words that we speak about and at our children. They are basically a self fulfilling prophesy. So, why not use it for good and spur our children to greatness rather than noticing the negative. Not saying we praise them to the point where they think every little thing they do deserves praise and notice, but being positive, not belittling them. Some samples given were:
Your such a crybaby
Shame on you
Why can't you be more like your brother
You are just like your dad!
A book was also given, 'The Power of a Parents Blessing' by Craig Hill
If you want this for your child/ren, it's a good read. It also has prayers in it to pray over your children.
Tonight as I rocked G to sleep, she was totally relaxed. The heavy kind of relaxed where they are limp. She fell asleep while I rocked her and I didn't want to stop. I keep realizing how much she is changing. For the first year home, I don't think she ever totally relaxed. She sat on me, laid against me, but was still somewhat stiff, not cuddly.I know about a half year ago I thought she was doing much better, but now I can truly say she can cuddle with me. Another milestone of trust, attachment and healing. She loves giving me kisses and hugs now too, which she didn't do at all for the first year. I continue to marvel at my child and how God continues to heal her, and show me his strength, when I need it most.
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| First time finger painting. She ended up in the bathtub! |
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| Poor Kitty Cat. He gets loved so vigorously! He keeps coming back for more though. |
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| Mommy's shades are always more fun. |
A few weeks ago we went to Ohio with my niece and her husband and child for an adoption seminar. They had several speakers and varying topics. The two that stayed with me the most were
1. Generational Iniquities and The Adopted Child
I don't know that it impressed me more for me more or my child. They explained it in a way that made much more sense than I've ever heard it before. Basically, we are inclined to fail in the same battles that our parents and grandparents failed in. Ever hear the saying 'I opened my mouth, and my mom walked out"? Well, we all know that we are inclined to do the very things we were determined not to do that our parents did. A child with a drunkard father, is much more inclined to have a problem with alcohol.
The bible says it will happen. It does. The point they made, that stuck with me, is, the only reason we have that inclination hanging over us is because no one told it to leave! We as Christians have the power of Jesus to command that inclination or iniquity to leave us alone. I was always planning to have special prayers prayed over my child at some point, but didn't know how to do it myself, and was intimidated by the whole prospect. That weekend they prayed over her for me. I didn't know if I would see any change in her, but I wanted to know I had done what I could for her. They also prayed for healing for her sensory issues and anointed her with oil, setting her apart for God. We came home, and I didn't think about much or any change till I gave her a bath. You need to realize bath time was a dread for me. She was so extremely ticklish it was ridiculous! I could barely touch her with a washcloth. She would scream and squirm and protect herself as if I was deliberately trying to torture tickle her. Drying her off, getting her dressed, putting lotion on, it was all the same. Tiring and irritating by the time I was done, I was tired! That night after we got home, I gave her a bath and she sat perfectly still, after a few seconds, she looked up at me in surprise and said, Mommy! me not laugh!! And she isn't overly ticklish anymore. The lotion, I can even put it on her stomach and she doesn't flinch! She still doesn't like it, she hates that it's wet, but she's not wiggling and screaming. I'm thanking God for healing!!
2. The Power of Blessing your children
I must admit when I saw that title it didn't seem that great. It was a very powerful lesson. The power of our words that we speak about and at our children. They are basically a self fulfilling prophesy. So, why not use it for good and spur our children to greatness rather than noticing the negative. Not saying we praise them to the point where they think every little thing they do deserves praise and notice, but being positive, not belittling them. Some samples given were:
Your such a crybaby
Shame on you
Why can't you be more like your brother
You are just like your dad!
A book was also given, 'The Power of a Parents Blessing' by Craig Hill
If you want this for your child/ren, it's a good read. It also has prayers in it to pray over your children.
Tonight as I rocked G to sleep, she was totally relaxed. The heavy kind of relaxed where they are limp. She fell asleep while I rocked her and I didn't want to stop. I keep realizing how much she is changing. For the first year home, I don't think she ever totally relaxed. She sat on me, laid against me, but was still somewhat stiff, not cuddly.I know about a half year ago I thought she was doing much better, but now I can truly say she can cuddle with me. Another milestone of trust, attachment and healing. She loves giving me kisses and hugs now too, which she didn't do at all for the first year. I continue to marvel at my child and how God continues to heal her, and show me his strength, when I need it most.
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| Wednesday we went out to Paramount Sports with the kids. They loved it! So much to do and they used up every ounce of energy they had. this pic was after they refueled and were feeling a bit of energy again. I think G may be raising her hand to testify the truth of that! :) |
Thursday, February 13, 2014
The Blizzard Of 2014
Well, it happened! we got snow, and a lot of it. I don't know how much because around our house it's blowing so much it's either in huge drifts or bare driveway. We have a huge drift right outside our door that we will need to climb over to get out. G tried it and succeeded but it took struggling. We can see 422 from our place and there is not much traffic. we keep seeing snowplows go by and the road looks passable, but I think most people are enjoying just having a snow day inside.
Last night I was excited, but wanting to make sure the day goes well, so I thought up some things to do with G.
I started with a box and cut holes in it. put a bunch of rice and dry macaroni in it with spoons and bowls. Ummm, I was hoping she would play with it longer than she did. :(
The Ipad and coco puffs for breakfast was a happy thing while I tried to get work done on the computer.
Mim gave us an early valentines gift of chocolates! She couldn't let the box out of her sight! She is a total chocaholic!
We did laundry and cleaned up and swept the basement. She used her swings for a while.
We ate a breakfast lunch of eggs, fried potatoes, little sausages, and toast.
And then she went outside for a bit while I stood at the door. I did not feel like getting all wet!
After her nap, we did another little project. Baking soda and colored vinegar, It was pretty cool! She loved it..... as long as I was right there with her. When I went to sneak in some work time, she lost interest. sigh
And then, more snow play, this time with mommy and mim too. Her first big snow man!
After supper, Mim took her downstairs and they ran off some energy playing tag, swinging and jumping. Thanks Mim!
While they were down playing I baked a cake for Mim's birthday which is tomorrow, on Valentines day.
Gabriella is in bed now. Time to get a nice bubbly drink and relax.
All in all, it was a pretty good day.
Last night I was excited, but wanting to make sure the day goes well, so I thought up some things to do with G.
I started with a box and cut holes in it. put a bunch of rice and dry macaroni in it with spoons and bowls. Ummm, I was hoping she would play with it longer than she did. :(
The Ipad and coco puffs for breakfast was a happy thing while I tried to get work done on the computer.
Mim gave us an early valentines gift of chocolates! She couldn't let the box out of her sight! She is a total chocaholic!
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| In case you are worried, no she did not eat the whole box! |
We did laundry and cleaned up and swept the basement. She used her swings for a while.
We ate a breakfast lunch of eggs, fried potatoes, little sausages, and toast.
And then she went outside for a bit while I stood at the door. I did not feel like getting all wet!
After her nap, we did another little project. Baking soda and colored vinegar, It was pretty cool! She loved it..... as long as I was right there with her. When I went to sneak in some work time, she lost interest. sigh
While they were down playing I baked a cake for Mim's birthday which is tomorrow, on Valentines day.
Gabriella is in bed now. Time to get a nice bubbly drink and relax.
All in all, it was a pretty good day.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Funny Girl
What a funny little girl! It's bed time, so of course she needs to go potty after she is in bed. Of Course!! Even though she went right before bed which was about 10 minutes ago. No sooner are the lights out than she needs to go REALLY BAD!! If I say no, she says, "shall I go in my panties?" "shall I go on the bed?" "Shall I go on the floor?" and then she laughs like she told the best joke ever.
So, I quit saying no, it's faster to just let her go and get it done with. She's gone for a while and comes back with only a shirt, one sock and sunglasses on. She can't get her one sock back on. I help her, well, actually I just put it on, she doesn't really help except by holding her foot in the air. She runs back to get the rest of her clothes. Soon I hear frustrated crys coming from the bathroom and she comes again, holding her underwear. I put them on her. She runs back and instead of even trying she comes back with her pj bottoms, pretend whimpering so I will put them on her instead of making her try. She runs back, she's dressed now, "hey, where are you going?" I need to flush, mo-mmy'! I think I'm wrong, it's not faster to just let her go, instead of calling her bluff.
She says mommy with a british accent. She's been sick with strep throat this past week and so I've been letting her watch entirely tooooo many videos on the ipad. She has several favorites and I realized after I started hearing Mommy being said with that adorable accent that most of the videos she watches are with a british accent. I love it! I really need to record that before she looses it again.
We got a cat. Yup, a great big pretty tom cat. He's very gentle and laid back. She can pick him up, and try, try, try to pick him up. He's totally patient the whole time, even when he is half way suspended as she tries hard to heft him into her lap. He's downstairs most of the time. It's supposed to stay that way. We don't want to be hairy cat people, even though G and I both love cats and dogs and fish and .....
Earlier this evening the cat was mewing and I told her to go down and tell him he can come up for a while. He hadn't been up yet. It took a few times of her going down, but eventually he did follow her up. She jabbered at him a mile a minute and fed him some pretend tea. She pretend medicated him, and said "he does NOT like his medicine! It was blue medicine and he no like it!!!" (blue medicine is some cough syrup she had once that she detests!)
Uhh! How to get her to stop saying "naughty Mommy"! She says it for anything she is displeased with me for. I am in front of her on the steps, going up or down. "naughty mommy"!! Of course! I'm very naughty, I should always remember that she needs/wants to be first on the steps, or coming in the door for that matter!!!
She's a riot! My little spit fire that forgets nothing. That can have me laughing so hard one minute and sighing in frustration the next. I don't, I really don't know how I wasn't bored to death before she came home.
So, I quit saying no, it's faster to just let her go and get it done with. She's gone for a while and comes back with only a shirt, one sock and sunglasses on. She can't get her one sock back on. I help her, well, actually I just put it on, she doesn't really help except by holding her foot in the air. She runs back to get the rest of her clothes. Soon I hear frustrated crys coming from the bathroom and she comes again, holding her underwear. I put them on her. She runs back and instead of even trying she comes back with her pj bottoms, pretend whimpering so I will put them on her instead of making her try. She runs back, she's dressed now, "hey, where are you going?" I need to flush, mo-mmy'! I think I'm wrong, it's not faster to just let her go, instead of calling her bluff.
She says mommy with a british accent. She's been sick with strep throat this past week and so I've been letting her watch entirely tooooo many videos on the ipad. She has several favorites and I realized after I started hearing Mommy being said with that adorable accent that most of the videos she watches are with a british accent. I love it! I really need to record that before she looses it again.
We got a cat. Yup, a great big pretty tom cat. He's very gentle and laid back. She can pick him up, and try, try, try to pick him up. He's totally patient the whole time, even when he is half way suspended as she tries hard to heft him into her lap. He's downstairs most of the time. It's supposed to stay that way. We don't want to be hairy cat people, even though G and I both love cats and dogs and fish and .....
Earlier this evening the cat was mewing and I told her to go down and tell him he can come up for a while. He hadn't been up yet. It took a few times of her going down, but eventually he did follow her up. She jabbered at him a mile a minute and fed him some pretend tea. She pretend medicated him, and said "he does NOT like his medicine! It was blue medicine and he no like it!!!" (blue medicine is some cough syrup she had once that she detests!)
Uhh! How to get her to stop saying "naughty Mommy"! She says it for anything she is displeased with me for. I am in front of her on the steps, going up or down. "naughty mommy"!! Of course! I'm very naughty, I should always remember that she needs/wants to be first on the steps, or coming in the door for that matter!!!
She's a riot! My little spit fire that forgets nothing. That can have me laughing so hard one minute and sighing in frustration the next. I don't, I really don't know how I wasn't bored to death before she came home.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Adoption, The Hard Parts and The Good Parts
(If this blog starts feeling negative, read to the end, it turns positive there! :)
It has taken me a long time to feel a complete connection with my little girl. I loved her, and took care of her and would have done pretty much anything for her, but I didn't feel normal or real. I knew from research before adopting that this is normal so it didn't worry me too much. I didn't like it, but then, I didn't like the looonnnggg time of post adoption depression I went through either. That also is very normal, for those of you who have never adopted or studied it.
I'm gonna be honest. It's not easy! Telling people who you love, and having them be excited for you is fun, the excitement of waiting is fun, buying things for the child you are waiting for is fun, the meeting of your child for the first time is over the moon and hard to even wrap your brain around. Going to bring her home is the best thing I've ever done. I've never ever regretted adopting my little girl. The thought never went through my mind. I've loved her since about the third day of meeting her when I felt God move my heart and I loved her and felt it.
But, it's not all fun. It's hard, harder than anyone can imagine. I heard a lot of criticism for adoptive parents before I adopted. I even criticized them. I didn't have a clue, and neither does anyone else who hasn't adopted.
Bringing a child home from another country, from an orphanage, is not easy for them either. They don't understand having someone as 'theirs', no one has ever had their back, or had a special interest in them. They are malnourished, even if they have some chub on their cheeks, it doesn't mean they are healthy. I thought my daughter was fairly healthy for typical EE orphanages, but even she had dry brittle hair and a bald spot from malnutrition. She gained two pounds in the first 5 days of me having her! Her skin was odd colored and scabby, and very translucent. That changed in the first 2 weeks home. Her bald spot was gone in about a month or two. They have no idea their life is changing for the better. They have been inside the same few rooms all their lives and suddenly they are in a car! in a motel, in an airplane, with lots and lots and lots of people all around them. sights and sounds they never heard. LOTS of noise! Their food changes - None of the familiar foods. (I tried, but I don't know what they were feeding, she didn't like the stuff I got that they said they fed her) And all with someone who doesn't speak their language. All this to say, it's not easy for the child either. People say my child is lucky to have a family, and to have gotten out before the adoptions were shut down to americans. I don't like that being said for so many reasons. For one, I don't believe it was luck. I believe it was the hand of God working. two. She is not lucky for loosing her biological mom. for living in an orphanage for 2 years where no one cares about you more than a babysitter would who switches with other babysitters every few hours and who doesn't spend any one on one time with you. Three. for loosing her country of heritage. We can look on and say she got a better country, and while I feel she did, it's still a loss. SO, lucky? she has gone through more hard things in her life than most americans will in a life time.
The first few month home, I tried to keep her world very small. I craved being with people! I wanted to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!! But, I knew it was not in her best interest. While she enjoyed getting out, she couldn't handle it. She would lose it and start screaming. Anyone who was around us a time or two knows what I mean when I say she screamed! :) But, I know I had it good. She screamed but not on and on like some kids. It was her way of saying she couldn't take it anymore. So, we stayed home mostly. Looking back, the months are a blurr. I remember certain people who made it a point to come and play or stay or help us. I don't think I'll ever be able to let them know how much that meant to me! and to us both!
Being real, I had what is called post adoption depression. It wasn't crippling where I couldn't operated day to day. But I couldn't feel. I felt wooden. I kissed my child, I held her A LOT! I rocked her, I thought up things to help her feel secure and loved. I did every thing I could to make the transition easier for her. But I didn't feel. I didn't like it, but I knew what it was, and that helped! I was linked in with other Russian adoptive moms online and that helped tremendously! They were a real help when things came up that I didn't know what to do about. When G did things I didn't understand or know how to deal with, I went online and had people who had been there, done that, answering me within an hour or two. I don't know how I would have survived without them. I told them how I was feeling and after a few month, they suggested I go back to work part time. A few weeks after that, I did. It did help some. But in reality, it took more than a year to finally feel like I was over and done with the depression and could really feel like myself.
She was in survival mode for most of her little life. Basically on high alert. Nothing escapes her attention. She sees and remembers everything.
And now for the happy part. The last few weeks have been sooo good. Not perfect. Is life ever perfect? But GOOD! I feel like myself, my daughter is calmer than I have ever seen her, she sings most of the day. She laughs and we tease each other, we have our way of doing things and it feels comfortable and right. I can go to a friends house and talk without feeling interrupted every five seconds with an insecure child who can't tolerate me talking to someone other than her. She is starting to enjoy and feel safe around other children. (some of the credit goes to a great babysitter) I put her to bed at night and she asks for more kisses. She calls me back in the room 3-7 times a night just to have me pull her covers up, it gets a bit old, yeah, but seeing her smile and wiggle in pleasure at seeing me makes it worth it. And like all kids, after she is in bed, she needs to go potty. She will walk past me slowly, hoping I turn around and smile at her. Then she comes back and comes over and says "mommy, I need a hug." Nothing sounds better than that!
All this to say, Adoption is hard, on both the parent and the child. It's not easy in any way. But, there is nothing better. Seeing the child attach well, seeing them heal from their past and knowing you helped to bring it about is amazing and wonderful. Having your child learning to pray, beginning to grasp the concept of God and Jesus, and loving to hear bible stories more than any other book she has, is incredible! All around, adoption is a wonderful miracle, and I thank God for bringing my wonderful daughter to me!
It has taken me a long time to feel a complete connection with my little girl. I loved her, and took care of her and would have done pretty much anything for her, but I didn't feel normal or real. I knew from research before adopting that this is normal so it didn't worry me too much. I didn't like it, but then, I didn't like the looonnnggg time of post adoption depression I went through either. That also is very normal, for those of you who have never adopted or studied it.
I'm gonna be honest. It's not easy! Telling people who you love, and having them be excited for you is fun, the excitement of waiting is fun, buying things for the child you are waiting for is fun, the meeting of your child for the first time is over the moon and hard to even wrap your brain around. Going to bring her home is the best thing I've ever done. I've never ever regretted adopting my little girl. The thought never went through my mind. I've loved her since about the third day of meeting her when I felt God move my heart and I loved her and felt it.
But, it's not all fun. It's hard, harder than anyone can imagine. I heard a lot of criticism for adoptive parents before I adopted. I even criticized them. I didn't have a clue, and neither does anyone else who hasn't adopted.
Bringing a child home from another country, from an orphanage, is not easy for them either. They don't understand having someone as 'theirs', no one has ever had their back, or had a special interest in them. They are malnourished, even if they have some chub on their cheeks, it doesn't mean they are healthy. I thought my daughter was fairly healthy for typical EE orphanages, but even she had dry brittle hair and a bald spot from malnutrition. She gained two pounds in the first 5 days of me having her! Her skin was odd colored and scabby, and very translucent. That changed in the first 2 weeks home. Her bald spot was gone in about a month or two. They have no idea their life is changing for the better. They have been inside the same few rooms all their lives and suddenly they are in a car! in a motel, in an airplane, with lots and lots and lots of people all around them. sights and sounds they never heard. LOTS of noise! Their food changes - None of the familiar foods. (I tried, but I don't know what they were feeding, she didn't like the stuff I got that they said they fed her) And all with someone who doesn't speak their language. All this to say, it's not easy for the child either. People say my child is lucky to have a family, and to have gotten out before the adoptions were shut down to americans. I don't like that being said for so many reasons. For one, I don't believe it was luck. I believe it was the hand of God working. two. She is not lucky for loosing her biological mom. for living in an orphanage for 2 years where no one cares about you more than a babysitter would who switches with other babysitters every few hours and who doesn't spend any one on one time with you. Three. for loosing her country of heritage. We can look on and say she got a better country, and while I feel she did, it's still a loss. SO, lucky? she has gone through more hard things in her life than most americans will in a life time.
The first few month home, I tried to keep her world very small. I craved being with people! I wanted to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!! But, I knew it was not in her best interest. While she enjoyed getting out, she couldn't handle it. She would lose it and start screaming. Anyone who was around us a time or two knows what I mean when I say she screamed! :) But, I know I had it good. She screamed but not on and on like some kids. It was her way of saying she couldn't take it anymore. So, we stayed home mostly. Looking back, the months are a blurr. I remember certain people who made it a point to come and play or stay or help us. I don't think I'll ever be able to let them know how much that meant to me! and to us both!
Being real, I had what is called post adoption depression. It wasn't crippling where I couldn't operated day to day. But I couldn't feel. I felt wooden. I kissed my child, I held her A LOT! I rocked her, I thought up things to help her feel secure and loved. I did every thing I could to make the transition easier for her. But I didn't feel. I didn't like it, but I knew what it was, and that helped! I was linked in with other Russian adoptive moms online and that helped tremendously! They were a real help when things came up that I didn't know what to do about. When G did things I didn't understand or know how to deal with, I went online and had people who had been there, done that, answering me within an hour or two. I don't know how I would have survived without them. I told them how I was feeling and after a few month, they suggested I go back to work part time. A few weeks after that, I did. It did help some. But in reality, it took more than a year to finally feel like I was over and done with the depression and could really feel like myself.
She was in survival mode for most of her little life. Basically on high alert. Nothing escapes her attention. She sees and remembers everything.
And now for the happy part. The last few weeks have been sooo good. Not perfect. Is life ever perfect? But GOOD! I feel like myself, my daughter is calmer than I have ever seen her, she sings most of the day. She laughs and we tease each other, we have our way of doing things and it feels comfortable and right. I can go to a friends house and talk without feeling interrupted every five seconds with an insecure child who can't tolerate me talking to someone other than her. She is starting to enjoy and feel safe around other children. (some of the credit goes to a great babysitter) I put her to bed at night and she asks for more kisses. She calls me back in the room 3-7 times a night just to have me pull her covers up, it gets a bit old, yeah, but seeing her smile and wiggle in pleasure at seeing me makes it worth it. And like all kids, after she is in bed, she needs to go potty. She will walk past me slowly, hoping I turn around and smile at her. Then she comes back and comes over and says "mommy, I need a hug." Nothing sounds better than that!
All this to say, Adoption is hard, on both the parent and the child. It's not easy in any way. But, there is nothing better. Seeing the child attach well, seeing them heal from their past and knowing you helped to bring it about is amazing and wonderful. Having your child learning to pray, beginning to grasp the concept of God and Jesus, and loving to hear bible stories more than any other book she has, is incredible! All around, adoption is a wonderful miracle, and I thank God for bringing my wonderful daughter to me!
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| She hates staying still to get braids, but she was proud of them for a day! |
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| I made a homemade trapeze bar for the basement, she loves it! |
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| Silly faces to send to Grandma :) |
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| With her cousins in Florida |
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| PineCraft - with Ashley |
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| Today's beautiful snow with my beautiful child |
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| She loves snow, never ready to come in |
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| Leaving the beach in Florida, we were there over Christmas. |
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| Trying to outrun the waves with Grandma! She LOOOOOVVVEESS this!! |
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| Happy Family |
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Something to Laugh about
Some days you really need something to laugh about.
Days when your child bosses you around too much and you realize you have left it go too far.
And then in the same day, she does other things that she should never do to her mom that I will not list. Defamation isn't nice, right?
The same day that the babysitter mentions the fact that she wasn't the model child...
The same day that she whines with every sentence she says, even though you make her say it nice every time, and you are sick of it!!!
Finally you make her sit on the naughty step and set the timer. Only to discover when it dings that you weren't paying attention and during the time that she was supposed to be sitting, she apparently got off some because she is sitting there with several toys!! So we clarify expectations and set the timer again.
Well, to the part that I finally found some humor...
She went to her play kitchen and made her microwave beep. told me I was in time out! I want to work on making sure she knows who IS the boss around here, so I suggested she use the puppy and put him in time out. I thought of it spur of the moment, but loved the idea instantly. I thought of using a doll, but was afraid I was pushing it too far. So a puppy it was. And she went for it!!! ( you need to understand this is the child who would barely touch a stuffed animal and certainly not a doll!!! She hated them!) That poor puppy did more time outs in five minutes than she has done in the last month!!! You should have heard his naughtiness!!! :) and he even had to nerve to get toys when he was in time out!!!
I'm hoping we just took a big step into doll playing! She still has him, and he just got done playing with my phone, listening to the musical manger scene and looking at pictures of her.
Well, on the bad days, it's good to have something to laugh about to keep from getting too discouraged.
Oh, My! the dogs in time out AGAIN! He's been chewing on her slipper!!
Days when your child bosses you around too much and you realize you have left it go too far.
And then in the same day, she does other things that she should never do to her mom that I will not list. Defamation isn't nice, right?
The same day that the babysitter mentions the fact that she wasn't the model child...
The same day that she whines with every sentence she says, even though you make her say it nice every time, and you are sick of it!!!
Finally you make her sit on the naughty step and set the timer. Only to discover when it dings that you weren't paying attention and during the time that she was supposed to be sitting, she apparently got off some because she is sitting there with several toys!! So we clarify expectations and set the timer again.
Well, to the part that I finally found some humor...
She went to her play kitchen and made her microwave beep. told me I was in time out! I want to work on making sure she knows who IS the boss around here, so I suggested she use the puppy and put him in time out. I thought of it spur of the moment, but loved the idea instantly. I thought of using a doll, but was afraid I was pushing it too far. So a puppy it was. And she went for it!!! ( you need to understand this is the child who would barely touch a stuffed animal and certainly not a doll!!! She hated them!) That poor puppy did more time outs in five minutes than she has done in the last month!!! You should have heard his naughtiness!!! :) and he even had to nerve to get toys when he was in time out!!!
I'm hoping we just took a big step into doll playing! She still has him, and he just got done playing with my phone, listening to the musical manger scene and looking at pictures of her.
Well, on the bad days, it's good to have something to laugh about to keep from getting too discouraged.
Oh, My! the dogs in time out AGAIN! He's been chewing on her slipper!!
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| helping dog watch the musical manger scene |
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| She thought that baby Jesus was in a boat!! Remembering last night when read about baby moses. :) |
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